my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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