Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
