So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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