I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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