oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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