yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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