Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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