The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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