words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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