did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
