we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
