im drinking this country out of the recession.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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