We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
