mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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