She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
