i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize