I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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