sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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