Already got asked if we're dating
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
