I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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