i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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