What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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