I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
