i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
