just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
