I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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