I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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