I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
