my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
