This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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