I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
