what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
