Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
