he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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