I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize