That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
