just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
