Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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