Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
