She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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