yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
