Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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