Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
