just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
