was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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