True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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