The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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