he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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