My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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