my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
