i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
