I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just high enough for therapy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize