I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
