I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
