nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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