oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
