My room smells like vodka and shame
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
