hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
