why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize