He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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