ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
