If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
