I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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