I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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