I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
