can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
