I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
