wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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