whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
