I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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