watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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