I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
