She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
