Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
