I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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