he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
